An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, “Can you all see me now?”
Took me about ten minutes to finally understand this
stupidest/most awesome joke ever
Adrianne Haslet-Davis dances again for the first time since the Boston terrorist attack last year.
When the bombs went off at the Boston Marathon finish line, Adrianne Haslet-Davis lost the lower half of her left leg in the explosion. She’s a ballroom dance teacher, and she assumed she would never dance again. With most prosthetics, she wouldn’t.
But Hugh Herr, of the MIT Media Lab, wanted to find a way to help her. He created a bionic limb specifically for dancers, studying the way they move and adapting the limb to fit their motion. (He explains how he did it here.)
At TED2014, Adrianne danced for the first time since the attack, wearing the bionic limb that Hugh created for her.
Hugh says, “It was 3.5 seconds between the bomb blasts in the Boston terrorist attack. In 3.5 seconds, the criminals and cowards took Adrianne off the dance floor. In 200 days, we put her back. We will not be intimidated, brought down, diminished, conquered or stopped by acts of violence.”
Amen to that, Hugh.
We used to be best buddies,
But now we’re not.
I wish you would tell me why…
Vem fazer bonecos de neve!!!
Anonymous asked: Imagine Bucky sleeps on his back or his stomach, never on his side. It's the only way a man with a metal arm can be comfortable. Sometimes his other arm, the real one with flesh and bones and muscle memory, will reach out beside him and hold onto whatever it finds (usually the sheets) with a death grip - maybe it's a habit left over from the war, nights spent with a gun by his side. Maybe it's a way of anchoring himself. Maybe it's both. (On a less depressing note, he also snores. LOUD.)
Bucky sleeps in steve’s room the first week or so at the tower- his own room isn’t ready yet, and it’s kind of nice, even though years have past since they last shared a bed, as boys with no idea what the future held for them. Steve notices, because bucky always used to be adamant that he could only sleep turned half onto his left side, and steve had gotten a knee in the back more than once for encroaching on bucky’s space. he doesn’t ask, but bucky always could damn near read his mind. he explains that the metal arm is cold and heavy if he sleeps on his right, and it digs into the scar tissue if he sleeps on top of it.
the grabbing, though, steve doesn’t ask about and bucky doesn’t bring it up. steve’s woken up grabbing for a gun that wasn’t there more than once since moving out of the trenches and into the 21st century, so he thinks he gets it. it’s only when steve’s woken up by bucky’s right hand grabbing his in the middle of the night that he really understands, though. he squeezes the hand back just as tightly as bucky, because steve let him fall once, and he knows that he never will again.
like how much more obvious does this need to be made for people to get it?
this isnt even an exaggeration
like at all
I don’t think you guys understand how much I love Rule-63ed Gandalf. I mean, I seriously cannot remember the last time I found a fantasy novel with a crone who was clever and kind of mean and dragged people along on adventures they didn’t really want to have and stomped around smoking a pipe and then would turn around and be all like “We’re totally boned here, guys, imma set some shit on fire and see if that helps.”
Like, usually you get young, pretty witches who may or may not be super clever, or you get old crone witches who are definitely super clever, but the big thing is that they’re clever. They’re in a tight spot? They clever their way out. Huge problem? Let’s be clever at it until it’s solved. Like, I cannot fucking remember the last time a big-ass lady-sorcerer’s great idea was “We’re gonna hang out around this bend and then stab the everloving shit out of them when they come around the corner.”
And it’s great, because seriously? If you’re a super-clever, super-old, super-powerful witch, and your clever plan gets all fucked up because whatever, it seems like a pretty normal, clever thing to have at least like the option of stabbing a motherfucker to achieve your goals. You know, “Welp, I tried to get us through here without doing this, but that didn’t work, so swords out everybody. We’re gonna have to hand-murder some goblins. Everybody who hasn’t done this before: pointy end goes into the other guy, and don’t aim for the sternum. It’s thick and hard to get through and meanwhile they’re going to be trying to bite you.”
Good morning, the character you want exists and is named Esme Weatherwax
With a side of Nanny Ogg. You’ve got to have Nanny along for the pipe smoking and the advice about how to stab people.
"They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, which just goes to show they’re as confused about anatomy as they gen’rally are about everything else, unless they’re talking about instructions on how to stab him, in which case a better way is up and under the ribcage." - Nanny Ogg’s Cookbook.
I have a feeling Gandalf would actually get along better with Nanny Ogg. He and Granny would eye each other like cats that unexpectedly have to share a yard. Two magical practitioners that powerful and ornery could not be comfortable and matey in one another’s presence, whereas Nanny Ogg could be comfortable and matey in deep space or the nethermost circle of the Pit.
'Oh, come on, Esme, he's not bad for a wizard. Tells a good story and shares his baccy.'
'Well, his dress and hat ain't all stars and jommetry, I'll give him that, but what's he up to? He's up to something, mark my words!'
And then he mentions being friendly with elves, and the shit really hits the windmill.
I need this. I need it NOW.
this keeps getting better
SOMEONE PLEASE WRITE IT PLEASE OH PLEASE WITH A SIDE OF PLEASE
this is such a beautiful post that i may weep
also like if we’re going to do this can we do it right and have it be so gandalf gets separated from his company of dwarves because of Quantum and instead of ending up hanging out with granny and nanny the dwarves get stuck at unseen university IMAGINE IT WOULD BE SO BEAUTIFUL like i’ll be honest i actually don’t like the wizards save ridcully and ponder and obvs the librarian that much i could take or leave the dean i have LESS THAN NO USE for rincewind (though his luggage can stay) give me the witches or vime&co or moist any day of the week but like THE DWARVES FROM THE HOBBIT IN UNSEEN UNIVERSITY WOULD BE AMAZING the fucking chair of indefinite studies clutching at the lecturer of recent runes hissing in horrified tones ‘they’ve eaten all the breakfast!!!!’ thorin getting into a vicious psychological argument with hex while ponder stibbons stares in terrible fascination BILBO BAGGINS HOLING UP IN THE LIBRARY AND OCCASIONALLY PLAYING TOSS-THE-PEANUT TO A WELL-PLEASED LIBRARIAN the bursar and ori knitting together okay like judge if you want but deep in your soul you know you want to watch ridcully try and roundly fail to rid the university of dwarves THEY’RE WORSE THAN STUDENTS MAKE THEM GO HOME
okay so, one, this is fucking beautiful
two: imagine the dwarves in Ankh-Morpork though
like someone manages to kick them out of UU or they get bored and go wandering or gandalf shows up and says that he’s found them a way back to middle-earth but first they need to take a coach to the Ramtops idk idc
1. it is obvious to the local dwarves and exactly no one else* that this lot is Not Our Kind Of Dwarf
2. no one will believe Bilbo that he is a different species from the rest of them, except, as aforementioned, the local dwarves
3. when the group inevitably gets into a dustup, possibly with a troll, for some reason that is probably Thorin’s fault, and they’re crowded into the Watch House and anyone who is still conscious is glaring venomously and swearing in Khuzdul,** Vimes takes one look at the crowd of them and is like, “Get Carrot.”
4. everyone likes Carrot. Even Thorin likes Carrot. Carrot is quite possibly the first person Thorin has met in this world who hasn’t pissed him off.
5. Kili flirts with Angua and she is not at all charmed except for the part where she’s a tiny bit charmed.
5a. Kili flirts with Cheery Littlebottom and she is extremely charmed but remains, the entire time, under the impression that he is a girl. not that this is a deterrent.
6. Someone tells Sybil about Smaug. I have no idea why or when or what happens next but someone definitely tells Sybil about Smaug.
*except Vetinari, because everything is obvious to Vetinari.
**except for Bilbo, who is loudly protesting that he never took a swing at anyone and was trying to resolve the situation through diplomacy the whole time thank you very much, mainly because he hasn’t found a moment when no one is looking to slip the Ring on yet